i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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