doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
