you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
