what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
