these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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