R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
