I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
