You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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