well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
