i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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