We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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