You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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