I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
