he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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