Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's like heaven, but drunker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
