Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
