I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
