Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
