I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
