Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
