he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
