the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
