i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
look no pants
I look better un-naked...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
