my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
