He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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