Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
