Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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