I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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