I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
