You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
