do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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