Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
