So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
