Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
