Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
