If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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