someone threw a dead crab at me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
