She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
