yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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