He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
