A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
