rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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