So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
