It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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