I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
