i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
