I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
