Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I love having hate sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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