that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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