he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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