just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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