I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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