Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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