Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
